now

feeling the cold (iNeedChemicalX)


but always missing warmth (*tomatokisses)


living for a world of color (=P0RG)

oooobamaaaa

i def had a dream last night i met him. and i couldn't stop smiling. then i made him call mirna to prove it.

count me down

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSpDVcVKsXE

unfortunately can't embed it. yeah yeah yeah's "down boy."

no fame
all there is, all there was
on the second lady
can't take a cent
take a cut
of that kind of rent
i'll stand kind of pushed
kind of bent, on this heavy land
i'll stand for the sake
of my friend, I will see him there

down, down, count me down
down, down boy

the same
not begin
not give up
in a better way
again, wash the stains
off his bed
not to split 'em up
i'll stand
for the sake
of my friend
i will see him there
well, I will see him there
down, down, count me down
down, down boy

08 - true story

i guess i've done this once or twice, going through the past year to see what happened. i usually have to go through old journals and see what really went down. in no order of significance, in 2008, i...
-grew past being 21, literally and figuratively
-kept my hair dark, found out i could make it a little curly
-held a human brain
-made friends, kept friends, got sick of some...
-graduated from college with honors
-found a legit job in a field i enjoy, with my bff nonetheless, quit the salon
-aka made a big transition in my life
-wrote poetry even less, but wrote much more freely in my journal
-went to church less and less
-actually followed some politics, voted for the first black president, watched him win
-felt a little close to j. alfred prufrock, measuring out my life with coffee spoons
-watched the making of a sand mandala at umd
-got a new car (rip stanza), started making payments and insurance
-witnessed my dad get a new lease on life after the er found a main artery to be 95% blocked, and promptly fixed it
-heard about my aunt having a brain tumor, cancer, and complications, didn't know what to say when my cousin found me on facebook
-finished a journal
-quit smoking cigarettes
-didnt see a lot of shows but saw the cold war kids, yaay
-grew into myself even more
-read for fun
-said goodbye to my goblin kitty
-congratulated my bro on his engagement, moving out

this year im looking forward to being more comfortable with myself, getting my life together (so to speak), writing more, smiling more, being healthy and happy.

christmas

what i learned:
-awkward situations are only bad if you make them that way
-always give more than 1 gift, if possible
-my friends and loved ones really do know me and what i like
-it's so exciting to see people's reactions to gifts
-4 days off is so, so good
-don't plan too much, at all
-a day together can mean just talking, not doing much of anything
-christmas really shouldn't start in october, because i got sick of it by thanksgiving
-chill out, and everything will be okay <3

for mirna

found here

some more recent faves on deviantart:

bewildered


bokeh for the soul


the forest is full of wolves

see my faves (i add about one a day) on deviantart here. my deviantart here, though i don't update my work that much.

it's all words, no pics

the good thing is being able to feel like you don't belong, like you're not fitting in, not entirely, but not feeling bad about it either. not caring. but not in a way that's like, I don't care. more like a way of, meh, it's different, not good or bad. not feeling less or more. just different. just shifting a little. i wrote in my journal after that night, after 2 woodchucks and x amount of yuengling but before the migraine of dehydration the next day, i wrote (in awful handwriting), "why can't i have a pen attached to my head so i don't have to make my hands and eyes work for this? i'm calculating how many hours i've been awake, how much beer i've drank, what i've done all day, why i feel apathetic but why i care. why do i care? what do i care about? do i care, or is it just something to entertain me? do we do everything out of the desire to rid ourselves of boredom? ... what is this all? what is this? fuck wtf is this??"
i'm getting close to being done with all this christmas shopping, and i almost can't stop. i want to buy a million things for everyone. no 2 presents isnt enough, must have 3, 4, 5. i just want to buy everything for everyone and make eveyrone happy. that's all.